Frankie's Adventures and Misadventures : South Africa

The last time I was here I was maced, mugged and severely beat up my first night here. A better fate this time. Mind you I am in a small beach town and headed for a smaller one. It is the sardine migration and I am here to do some diving and snorkeling with the hopes of seeing whales, sharks, dolphins, various fish and topless mermaids.

I am in a little beach town called Scottsburg and head for Port. St. John in a few minutes. Small town without much to do but the jumping point for seeing the sardine migration (in the billions some years) and the food chain the follows them.

Day 1

I wouldn’t call a S. African winter cold but not warm when wet on the water. The first day was a 7:15 start with a short ride on the river (with bull sharks) on a RHIB (rigid hull inflatable boat for you non-military types). The driver of the boat waits for a good line to run the rough surf and you hang on tightly so you don’t fall out. We are eventually going into the water anyway but it would be a rough and dangerous entry to fall out. Water is about 18 degrees so a bit cold but not so bad.

Great crew and fellow divers. Gawie, Mia and Brad make it fun, interesting and informative. And a core group of Brits, S. Africans, and me as the lone Canadian. No topless Mermaids at this point. If you ever come this way book thought Pro Dive and make sure you get on with Gawie, Mia and Brad. And for the love of God do not book when I am here.

The first day we say a humpback whale breach, dolphins everywhere, garnets (birds), albatross, skews, and lions and zebras. With a lion taking down a humpback whale and zebras kicking the tar out of the dolphins. Just a typical day on the Sardine Run.

I could watch the garnets all day. The can spot a sardine from 50 meters up, and can enter the water at 120 km/h. And then they can dive a further 20 meters. They actually have an air pocket in their head that expands when they hit the water so not to do brain damage to themselves. A built in airbag. The young ones often break their necks if they do it wrong. To watch them is incredible. The tuck their wings in and rotate as they barrel down on the sardine. Reminds me of a fighter pilot. Or the grace and power I have when I am drunk.

The seas were extremely rough and the three meter waves never seem to let up. Frank MacDonald the Cape Breton sea faring lad got sick as a dog. Wretched.

End of Day 1- No sardines

Day 2

More whales, more dolphins, and birds. Saw a big male humpback whale breach which was amazing. Saw a dolphin leap out of the water with a big woody. Not sure if they call it a woody but I had dolphin penis envy. And not to mention we saw humpbacks humping.

End of day 2. No @#$$ sardines

Day 3

Repeat of day 3 with 100’s of dolphins at any given stop. Pretty sure I saw a topless mermaid ride a sea faring unicorn but #$$#$, $#%$%#$% sardines.

Day 4

This surf was really rough which is not really the problem to get from the river to the open ocean. It is the speed at which they break. The captain needs a certain amount of time between waves to make it safely.

We were third in line and a couple of boats turned back but out driver has the reputation as being extremely skilled and he showed this today. We bobbed up in down for a long time and when he saw the opening he guns both engines and off we go. With sharp turns, flying over the waves and some white knuckled travelers we get to open water. This is the video that I have posted.

Or to say this in local parlance, with all the packs on the lowry I gunned the fans and made it safe.

Well worth the minor shakes to get out today. I had two humpback whales swim directly below me and dolphins everywhere. And on the surface I got so close to a whale I actually had to swim like mad so I would not get thumped with one of his fins. A barnacle encrusted guillotine but probably not as close as I thought I was in the moment because while I was out there fighting for my life I am pretty sure I was in his fecking mouth.

End of Day 4

No @#$$$, @#$$#%, %^&%^&, sardines

Day 5

No !@#$$#, #$%$%%$, #$$%, #$%$% sardines

Day 6 and Final Day

Cold this day and very quiet. Not much of anything but we did take a side excursion to see some mangroves and topless natives that I use to see in National Geographic. There was a woman from India that was pretty much sick the entire day.

And once again no @#$#, @#$#$, #$%$%, $%%^%^, $%%^^** sardines.

This was the final day and I saw more whales than sardines which was great but feck off expansive Indian Ocean.

I think I watch too much porn, no wait, I meant to say I think I watch too many nature shows. I want to see live what I see on the tv but to illustrate just how unrealistic this is the captain of the boat was saying that the BBC rented two boats (one for divers and one for equipment) for 7 weeks strait. They were out every day for 7-8 hours a day for 10 seconds worth of film on a documentary on the sardine run. It is a whale going through the bait ball.

There was a nice couple that had a high tech drone so when he post the link I am hoping to see his aerial shots. Their navigational skills were impressive.

I did learn that dolphins keep moving while they sleep. They shut one down half of their brain and close one eye (kind of like me at work) and the ones that are awake Shepard them along.

The final day was driving around to see the sights, buy walking sticks from a kindly old Moro Man who parted this words of wisdom to me. He said Frankie, learn to keep your fool mouth shut. Tough but fair.